panalo

i. bass from hell

winner: hohner b2b
band: midweek dawn [formerly coconut invaders]

although sound quality left a lot to be desired, the judges [me, myself, and i] chose this winner based on aesthetics and shock factor. the fact that it once belonged to death by tampon's bassist only sweetens the deal.

ii. bassist from hell

winner: alyas gyeon-woo
band: protein shake

look-alikes aside, this winner received full marks for skill, song-and-dance routine, and audience rapport. 'nuf sed.

iii. vocalist from hell

winner: aya de leon
band: imago

aya + 38º fever + anino = shakira
omgwtfbbq!

iv. pants from hell

winner: orange sarong
band: wishstick

in contrast with all other performers, who wore the usual black emo shirts, black emo glasses, and black emo chuck taylors [god, spare me from the mediocrity], popoy's outfit complimented the tropical climate quite masterfully.

v. guitarist from hell

winner: alyas grimace
band: madstand

this winner was chosen primarily for his ludicrous waist-length hair, but i must not fail to mention his bright purple guitar and tendency to vibrate violently while performing. this second property caused his hair to whip around in a manner reminiscent of a drowning jellyfish, such that he almost succeeded in falling offstage once he decided to start jumping around.

vi. contest winners from hell

winners: odatnarat and madstand

for reasons incomprehensible to myself and any other audience member with taste, these two bands bagged the 10,000 peso grand prize for the night. upon hearing of the tie, i'd assumed that wishstick and midweek dawn were the contenders, since those two were the only contestants with talent to speak of.

i mean, come on, you really can't expect to win if your vocalist is visibly reading song lyrics, or if your lead guitarist can't pull off anything more than chords [so you have to invite a back-up vocalist onstage to sing the solo instead], or if you somehow manage to fuck up generator, or all three. especially all three.

who needs talent, anyway, when you've "played all over the metro"? can't sing? growl instead. can't play the bass? mosh with your just-as-incompetent long-haired guitarist. can't play the bongos? don't worry, the drums drown you out.

this exercise only serves to prove that even supposedly enlightened fraternities are not immune to politics and the jologs invasion.

viii. habitat volunteers from hell

winners: stani and agunta

between my pickaxe and jp's drill, we managed to finish a considerable bit of construction work. although i was under the sun and jp was indoors, i actually had the easier share of it - off-mark holes in the ground are easier fixed than off-mark holes in a wall. on that note, jhaphet, who worked with jp, deserves an honorable mention for largest error.

unlike other categories, these winners were chosen based on professional opinion.

sige ingat.ü 
posted by stani at 9:33 AM